It's been almost a month since I last posted, and my little family has had a lot of firsts in that time. First Trip to the Dentist Who Just Happens To Be Poppy, First Trip To The Movies, First Electrocution. Yes. A lot has happened indeed.
Jonathan and Elijah had their "teefies" cleaned for the first time last week. Just for some background for those of you who don't know, my father is a dentist, and a thumpin' good'un at that. And for those of you who have ever heard the expression "the shoemaker's kids go barefoot", I can verify that this is true. Were it not for patient persistence and gentle reminders I would have had dentures by now (they would have been Really Great Dentures, though). But I digress. So the boys went to see my dad for their very first teeth-cleaning and dental examination. I had lived in trepidation of this day for weeks ahead of time, and really didn't know how I was going to handle both boys in the office. I also had an appointment to have my teeth cleaned, and I wondered how I would supervise my little bulls in the china shop of life. But to my great surprise, it really went well. Extraordinarily well. So well that there's really not much to tell. Jonathan got to wear a really cool pair of sunglasses while he was in the chair, and Elijah had his trusty, ever-present toy he takes wherever he can't take his Blue Blanket, a toy model of Mr. The King from the movie Cars, and he will gravely inform anyone who will listen that he is holding Mr. The King. This is his talisman. Jonathan really didn't care to bring anything to the dentist appointment. He was fine with the idea of great treats to come after finishing at Poppy's office. I really was taken completely aback at how well they did. I had braced myself for much worse, but my worries were completely unfounded.
The thing I really wanted to talk about in this post is the momentous First Electrocution. I'm going to get the Worst Parent In the Galaxy Award for this, but really, it was a little bit funny. Let me preface the description of this event by saying that it wasn't at all a severe electrocution. Just a little one. But every time I think about it I have an unholy desire to let out a shriek of laughter. So let me explain with a little background. Jonathan is by nature a very curious child. He wants to know what it is, why it is, and what it takes to break it. I've tried to encourage as much curiosity as I can because I know that it will serve him well later in life and perhaps allow him to discover some things about himself that will help him to balance his very intense personality and inquisitive spirit. Bless him. So something we've been struggling with for the last several months is Jonathan discovering electrical outlets and wanting to know the why and wherefore of them. We have very carefully childproofed all of the electrical outlets in the house to discourage this desire of his. We have the little plastic pieces that you push into the outlets to cover them, and we also have plastic outlet covers that actually cover outlets that are being used with a little hole in the bottom for the cords. These reduce even me to a cursing, sweating heap. Another thing we've noticed is that Jonathan has an all-consuming fascination with keys, and not just any keys. They have to be recognized as being used on a regular basis by Mommy and Daddy or Auntie Betsy or whoever. Jonathan and Elijah both have phenomenal memories, and Jonathan knows on sight what keys belong to whom and what they go to. He figured out about a year ago how to lock and unlock the deadbolt on the front door and what key did that. He knows the keys that unlock Mommy's Monster Truck and Daddy's car, and he knows how to unlock them. We've tried over the last year or so to provide both boys with keys - nice big plastic keys in primary colors. Nothing doing. He knew they weren't "real keys", just like he knows that plastic coins arent' "real money". So we gave them keys to play with with cool keychains and an unused or unknown key attached. Nothing doing. He just looked at them and looked at us like, "Are you stupid?" So one day Jay (my long-time boyfriend and the only father my children have ever known) needed to go to Home Depot for something or another, as guys are wont to do, and Jonathan and Elijah adore the Home Depot. They refuse to even acknowledge the existence of Lowes, screaming "Home Depot" over and over again whenever we pass one. So Jay, lovely man that he is, offered to take Jonathan and Elijah with him to the Home Depot and get them out of the house for a while so I could work. So off they went to the Home Depot. Later, Jonathan and Elijah run into the house in a transport of delight, screaming that Daddy had gotten them keys! So they proudly showed me their new keys. I was thrilled because it meant that I would never had to search for my car keys again down the back of somebody's diaper or stuffed into George, my favorite houseplant. Apparently they had a display rack at the store that had a bunch of specialty keys on it, keys painted or printed with designs or Disney characters. So Jay let the boys pick one key each. Elijah picked a Finding Nemo key and a blue wrist coil thing to put it on his wrist. Jonathan picked a Tinkerbell key and a green wrist coil. He's never seen Tinkerbell before so I thought that was funny that my little reincarnation of Atilla the Hun would choose a Tinkerbell key. These keys were great. They carried them everywhere and played with them nonstop.
Now we come to the real story. I had to explain the background because you have to understand how much Jonathan loved his key and how curious about things (i.e. electrical outlets) he was. Is. We have tried with many different means to discourage Jonathan from putting anything into electrical outlets, but Jonathan is stubborn and the louder he is told no the harder he tries to do whatever we're telling him no about. And this is really something you can't demonstrate to a kid - it's not like you can stick something into an electrical outlet and then say here's why you shouldn't do this. We tried to explain in simple but forceful words, pantomiming sticking something into the outlet and screaming OUCH!!!! Jonathan's eyes just glazed over and he started drooling, so we figured we had gotten the point across as best we could. So a few days ago Jonathan is playing with his Tinkerbell key and with Elijah's Nemo key. I was sitting at my computer working, pushing a hideous deadline and therefore forgetting that I had removed one of the outlet covers to vacuum a day or so previously in the living room, which is where we spend most of our time and is a large, open room. The boys were watching Sesame Street, which is normally completely engrossing for them. Jonathan saw the uncovered outlet and sensed his opportunity. This kid can move, people. I mean he shot off the couch, double-fisting those keys and was gone. If I had had time to listen closely enough I would have heard the theme song from Chariots of Fire. Sure enough, he had shoved both keys in that electrical outlet before I could even unwedge my ass from underneath the armrests of my computer chair. I heard something that sounded like glass breaking and irrationally I thought he had somehow broken a light bulb or something. He yelped and flew to the other side of the room in tears, as far away from that outlet as he could get. Jay came crashing in from where he had been sound asleep since he was working third shift that night. I bent down in front of Jonathan, terrified that I had just killed my child even though it was patently obvious that I had not since Jonathan was wringing his hands and very earnestly trying to explain why he did what he did, trying to avoid being punished for doing something he knew not to do. Jay had gotten the keys that were on the floor in front of the outlet and the first half-inch of the pointed ends of both keys were charred and black. I really was scared to death, but after checking Jonathan and seeing that he really was okay and at this point he had stopped crying, I guess my relief just made me crack. I started to laugh because Jonathan looked so funny and forlorn with his eyes as big as saucers, looking at that outlet like it was the portal to the very bowels of the underworld. He looked at me and he said, "Fire came out of dat wall, Mommy!" and I just laughed and laughed and hugged him close. When I could breath again I asked him if he knew now why Mommy and Daddy had said never to touch outlets, and he said yes, and was it okay if Daddy did it to see if it would happen again?
We threw the keys away and replaced every single outlet cover in the house, and Jonathan gives the outlets a wide berth nowadays. Lesson learned, though he learned it the hard way. Not the easiest way to learn things, but he'll sure have some stories to tell! My Dad calls this the Two-By-Four method: If you get hit in the face with a two-by-four enough times, you eventually learn to duck.
1 comment:
That is hilarious. As a teacher, I rely on natural consequences a lot. Sometimes, it's the only way!
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